I learned something

The other night I was struggling with feeling dark, angry, mean, and just keeping hold of myself, but still being kind of rude, I'd have to say. The next morning I woke up still feeling that way. So when Jacob finished nursing before anyone else was up, I stepped outside and just looked at the roses at the front of my house and appreciated how beautiful they were and that feeling ebbed, and I took a breath of that early morning air and remembered how much I love that crips early time, it has it's own new fresh smell, and just appreciated it, and the feeling was gone, and I have been walking pretty high ever since.
It is a lovely feeling. Thank you.

Another blog

Wish lists and 'photo shopping' on my other blog.
http://buyingwithoutmoney.blogspot.com/

Here is a post I came across that I love. Cracks me up.
http://lightrefreshmentsserved.com/2008/06/19/not-bad-for-a-middle-aged-woman/

Nada

I just liked this photo so I thought I would share it.

Happy Father's Day!

So I was working on this a lot yesterday, but between kids (esp. baby), and my own hubby having a Father's Day, I didn't finish it. This is a hodge podge for the two main fathers in my life.

This next video wasn't supposed to have sound affects, but Ammon started practicing some noises while I was video taping. Turned out pretty hilarious.

Great Quote:

"Sound making, like life, requires a playful, fearless spirit: you have to be willing to look and sound like a moron..." -Fred Newman

Flag Day

A design that helps lead a nation.
Thanks for our freedom.

Hopefully we can uphold the values that make us the U.S.

and continue to improve, not self-destruct.

So maybe a milk allergy?

Well, I had read about what foods to avoid to help gassy/fussy babies, one of them being dairy. I went without milk products for a couple of days and he did a lot better, still a bit gassy but not so it bothered him as much. Then yesterday I had pizza because I was so darn hungry (I never realized before how much of my diet is dairy - yogurt, cheese tortillas, grilled cheese, cereal, oatmeal, pizza, pasta sauces, ice cream...you get the idea), and last night he had a harder time again. He didn't cry for hours or anything colicky like that, but he was in pain and crying a lot worse until he got over some gas, then today he has had a bit of a hard time breathing. Yes that has happened before, but it would, so I was thinking, 'what, are we going to have our first case of asthma'? Then he had no problems for a couple of days, and lo and behold, today, after pizza, he has a problem (so his chest sucks in when he is trying to breathe, scary). I also had read, in that same magazine that this is one reaction to dairy when there is an allergy - not lactose intolerance, that is different.
Is there some way to test for this to see if I am right? I will have to look that up I guess.
Also, I've had some terrible back pain for about a week so that I couldn't stand up straight (picture an old lady, my entire upper body had to be bent forward with a deep bend in my legs and my right hip seemed off somehow), but today for an entire oh, half hour being up and about making some non-dairy sopapillas- because we are out of bread and eggs and I had to have something for breakfast- I didn't think once about walking funny, or about my aching back. I think it is working out. If I lay flat and am off of it for a while it improves immensely -for a while- so it has a lot to do with having no abdominal muscles and carrying a baby around I'm sure.

And a photo. Adria made this today- all her own idea and effort. Pretty cute!

Finally Here's Some Jacob - He's already 1 month old!

Tanner had a birthday!

I'm Blue- baba be baba boo

I feel better just writing that. Interesting.
Well, a lot of random embarrassing negativity follows so if you want to skip down to the positive note, please do.
Anyway, last night, the thought went through my head "she broke her heart", and not knowing who it referred to or where it came from, I cried and cried, and assumed I was the 'bad guy', and I keep thinking I've done something that estranged Adria that I can't seem to get right, even though she doesn't act that way. Then the thought came that "she's ruining him, he was going to be president", and the same thing, not knowing what the heck it was all about I was depressed and knew I was the bad guy. So this morning (can you call it morning when you only sleep two hours the first half, and two hours (broken) the last half?) I got up convinced I am the bad guy and no matter what anyone does to help I am going to ruin something no matter what I do, and maybe it would fix everything if I just die. { I also keep having this recurring thought that "she's going to get cancer and die" and I continually worry about who that is although I usually talk myself out of it and say it will be more like sleeping beauty and she'll (whoever she is) just sleep for a while not die.}

Don't worry, I don't literally have a death wish, I am just insane at the moment and hoping it is just baby blues or even postpartum depression. I can't leave the baby with Stephen when Jacob is crying because I am insane, but then when he finally sleeps I don't want to sleep anymore to the point I can't sleep, and strangely I feel guilty just thinking about sleeping right now. But really I feel better just saying so, and less sleepy and less emotional. I am a little worried about when Jacob wakes up though, and now I am crying again. I know what to expect with this postpartum stuff really, but it still floors me sometimes. Stephen keeps trying to get me to go see a movie with Adria and it is one I thought I wanted to see, but when it comes down to it I don't want to go anywhere. I can't win. Then another day I am up and out of the house shopping for baby stuff and groceries and it is a good happy day.

Sunday was really hard first thing in the morning, and I wanted to go to Mom's, then the rest of the day was really nice and I enjoyed staying home even, so when the kids wanted to go to Mom's I didn't feel like we needed to go anymore. Maybe today will be similar. Ammon is missing Grayson, though. He was really bored Sunday. Now that Mom and Dad have the pool, once it is up and running I thought it might be nice to live closer and take advantage of their back yard a lot because we can't afford gas to go there as often. I am tempted to do like a friend told me once, and pay credit cards with credit cards....but that would just keep the vicious circle going I know. I keep thinking there must be something I can do at home while he sleeps (I can work a computer and hold him at the same time if that is the only way he will sleep), but I have a hard time knowing what are legitimate businesses to try at home. Like some data entry or something. And a lot of them I looked at online require money for training or a web site or whatever. Where would I get that? I am way too afraid of using borrowed money because if it doesn't work out or isn't legitimate we will be even worse off. Also, I worry that we would just use what I make to justify more debt, although, perhaps it wouldn't be as bad if it were something I could do at home whenever I was able, rather than running on someone else's schedule, and stressing about leaving the kids or just not seeing the older ones much if I worked when Stephen was home - after school. Maybe I could sell (sale?) baby quilts. I have made two of my own design for gifts that were well received, and they sew up pretty fast. I don't know. Maybe there isn't a market for that anyway. We are thinking of trying to sell the boat and quad and trailer, but the chances seem slim because of gas prices....maybe that is just our excuse, although we really are ready to sell the boat I think.

Last night I told Tanner he couldn't go to lagoon with a friend for his birthday like we planned, and he was so sad, but not demanding or anything. He is such a sweetheart. Then this morning I decided we would just use a credit card anyway. We have got to stop that though, because we really can't afford more debt, you know.

Anyway, sorry, everyone has their financial woes - or if not, some other kind - so sorry for unloading.



On a positive note:

Our basement is coming along. Stephen got sheet rock up in Adria's room except for the closet and two walls and most of the ceiling in the family room in the basement. So that is exciting. Adria is out of school so that is cool. All of the children are doing really well in school and are healthy (but often looking tired too, I'm afraid), and have some good friends. We have power, hot water and beautiful roses and food, and the Internet to vent through.



Oh! And what fun, Landon has learned to ride a two wheeler! It is so cute to seem him ride on the tiny little bike. I have to tell you the story. Saturday Landon comes in and says "Mom, do you know about bikes?" And I look at him "What about them?", "DO YOU KNOW ABOUT BIKES?", "I know, I mean what about bikes?" , "Well I was riding my bike but I keep falling over, so do you know about bikes?", "Falling over? Oh, you mean you are trying to ride a two wheeler?" , "Yes. Can you teach me about bikes?" Ammon ended up teaching him. He's the one that taught Tanner too. Bryce is motivated now too, and he is persevering despite the fact Landon learned it faster. Here is a video. Sorry it is dark and grainy - cloudy day, one handed, and limited experience with my camera on this setting....

In the News - Sheesh!

An eight year old girl's intestines were damaged from eating Magnetix magnets and balls, and the parents want the toys taken off the shelves.
WHAT THE CRAP?
Their eight year old needs psychological help and/or vitamin deficiency testing. An eight year old?!! All the kids I know that age who are "normal" wouldn't swallow something like this (she had 30 pieces inside, so it's not like she was playing with one haphazardly in her mouth and accidentally swallowed). By this age they even know not to put something like that in their mouths because they might choke - they still might, but they would know better. 30 pieces though? Sheesh. We really like this learning toy and have had no problems with a 4 year old, 8 year old, and 11 year old, playing with them -other than leaving them all over the house. Maybe that's it - perhaps the parents forced her to eat them whenever they found them around the house? Once again, SHEESH.