This may be an odd post

This has been an interesting week. Just the other night I woke up feeling like many memories had just washed over me. My entire body jumpy with joy and tickled almost as I lay remembering and trying to relax. Funny how I felt I was being returned to me. In bits and pieces. Things I had forgotten that I hadn't realized I had forgotten. Like doing funny arm motions in front of the big living room window with friends (Debbie?) and Megan. The feeling it was to visit the Palmers in the summer, how Dixon Middle School felt to me, sleeping over at Emily and Debbie's houses and the different feeling and smells there. I can't remember Debbie's face for some reason though, and feel like I need to. A vague thought of darkness locked in their outdoor cellar and a darkness standing outside my basement bedroom door that didn't come in - that time. How different people feel different to me, but also similar. Families especially having somethings similar throughout them. Most clearly our extended families.
I feel like I keep coming in and out of focus, but I am hanging on to focused with all my might.
Wanting peace, not itchy unsatisfaction.
Seeing one inside another.
Seeing myself in others, feeling others in me.
Knowing myself better, not wanting to lose me again.
Trying to figure out which 'voice' to follow, but also knowing which 'voice' to follow, or hoping I'm right.
Not strong enough yet, but not giving in.
Hanging on for dear life, but not to this life.

Habit free for two months now! I have been feeling a pull to do it lately, but it has been denied. Keep on truckin' eh?

Thank you to all of you.

By the way, I thought this book looked promising, I haven't read it yet, but it might be good.
Recommended reading, Parent University, Davis School District: "Unconditional Parenting
Most advice for parents begins with the question 'How can we get kids to do what they're told?' - and then proceeds to offer various techniques for controlling them. In his landmark book Unconditional Parenting, Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking 'What are our long-term goals for our children?' It follows that we need to work with them rather than doing things to them, in order to reach those goals.

Kohn argues that punishments (including time-outs) and rewards (including positive reinforcement) may sometimes produce temporary compliance, but they do nothing to help kids grow into responsible, caring, ethical, happy people. Moreover, he suggests that permissiveness is less worrisome than a fear of permissiveness that leads us to over-control our children. Kohn concludes with ten important guidelines to help viewers reconnect to their own best instincts as parents."

HAPPY VALENTINES EVERYONE!

Hope it was enjoyable.

Landon and I made sugar cookies and painted cards for the family, and when everyone got home we got to hear about the fun they had at school. Stephen and I went to Cafe Rio for an early dinner - I am still stuffed. I have yet to figure out the kids dinner. Better get crackin'.

Looking for Roses Amidst Thorns?

It doesn't matter that I can't get the picture button to work anymore! I may have lost my camera in Chicago. The last time I remember having it was in the car on the way from Elgin, Stephen went through the rental car before he turned it in today, so all I can think is that it fell out of my purse. I hadn't looked for it again because the batteries were dead (huh? I checked them before we left) and thought I had repacked it in the bottom of my travel bag.
Really, really, big bummer.
But, hey, I don't have to worry about downloading anything for a while!